"A Chance To Be A Man" Part 3

 

What is a "real man"?  Is it someone who makes money, fixes things well, and likes sports?  In conversation people say, "be a man", "man up",  and "act like a man".   So is a man someone who is strong and tough?

During the civil rights movement,  African American men fought for equality and a chance to have the same rights, privileges, and opportunities as men of other races.  But what exactly was this "manhood" that they were fighting for?

In part 1 of this series, I talked about a man's role and responsibility in a relationship from a woman's point of view.  And part 2, was about growing up without having the affection and example of a father.

The saying, "it's easier said than done", is an understatement.  It's easy when you are on the outside looking in at someone else's situation and suggesting what they should do.

As for me, I feel like I have been given a chance.   A chance to be a leader and a follower of the good examples that have gone before me.  A chance to be a father who teaches his children by word and example.  A chance to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves us.  A chance to be strong and courageous enough to fulfill God's purpose and plan for my life.  

I feel like I have been given this awesome chance, "A Chance To Be A Man".

"A Chance To Be A Man" Part 2

One of the most not talked about parts of growing up without a father in the home, is the "absent heart" of a father.  What I mean by this is: a father is physically in the home, but his heart and mind are not in the home. 

Most of us have heard stories and points of views of people who grew up not knowing who their fathers were, or how they knew who they were, but they were just not around.

But not so often do we here about the effects of not getting the attention, love, and care that a child so desparately needs growing up, even when the father is in the home.  Often times, this can feel worse than the father not actually being in the home.  It can make a person wonder if there is something wrong with them, or if they have done something wrong to receive this lack of attention.

Something that seems so small to an adult, can mean the world to a young man, and have a huge impact on his "chance to be a man".  It can be going outside to throw the football, a trip to the movies, or just a special time set aside where a son has his father's undivided attention.

This unspoken void has contributed to low self esteem, depression, addictions, and a general feeling of identity crisis in the lives of many young males.  Young boys grow up and turn into young men, often blaming their fathers for the many shortcomings in life.

This process, this cycle, continues to go on, from generation to generation.  Pride, fear, and an overall feeling of vulnerability prevents men from talking about these feelings. 

When a boy grows up lacking the skills, the knowlege, and the example;  it seems like it lessens his chance, "a chance to be a man".

Let us be mindful to break this cycle, and talk about it, to give our sons a "chance"!

"A Chance To Be A Man" Part 1

 

It's 2012.  You have all types of situations in households now.   Couples where both people work, just the man works, and also situations where just the woman works.  It's all about finding the combination that "works" for your particular situation.

A lot of women have such big hearts, and such a strong desire to find love in a relationship, that they settle for less than what they desire in a man. It is in my opinion, that in that settling for less than what they desire in a man,  they short circuit the guy in the relationship's "chance to be a man".

Here's an example:  A woman and a guy meet.  They date for a while, and things are going good.  They decide to move in together.  She has her own place, but the guy still lives at his parent's place.  So the guy moves in with the woman who has her own place.  The guy goes from his mama's house, to her house.  Now since this was already her place, of course she already manages the bills.  And since she was taking care of the bills before he moved in, she isn't necessarily depending on him to pay the bills.

Now not all, but most of the women that I talk to, want to one day get married.  But when you live together, and are already having sex before you get married, it lessens the urgency and desire for a man to want to get married.

A lot of people in their early twenties are looking to find a good job, and still trying to figure out what they "really" want to do.  Many women are sensitive to this, and willing to wait for a man to figure out what he really wants to do.   So all of a sudden, the relationship becomes lopsided, and turns into expensive companionship.

 For the man it's his first serious relationship.  He went from is mama's house, to her house.  Since, she had the responsibility of the house, she has to still work while she figures out what she "really" wants to do.  And her situation provides the opportunity and more time for him to figure out what he "really" wants to do.

In her settling and desperation, a situation was created in the relationship that lowered the possibility in his "chance to be a man".