Holey Underwear

Imagine being on vacation with a group of friends and deciding to engage in a friendly little game of truth or dare.  Your turn comes up and you are posed with a question that is one of your inner most secrets that you wouldn't want anyone on the planet to know, let alone the people you are on vacation with.

Take the dare right? The dare is to strip down to your underwear and sing the national anthem.  The only problem is, you forgot to do laundry before you left for going out of town, and planned on washing your underwear once you got to the place you were staying.  But for now, you are wearing the most holey, raggedy, "I Really need to do laundry today", pair of underwear!  I'm talking that one pair of underwear that you just haven't thrown away yet and wouldn't want to be caught dead wearing on that fateful day of your demise. Think of how embarrassing that would be.

Speaking of not wanting to be caught dead: As I am coming up on my 40th birthday next year, I am becoming increasingly more aware that one day I am going to die.

It's not that before recently, I thought that I would never die, but it wasn't anything that I had focused on or really gave a lot of thought.   For a lot of people, when you are in your late twenties and early thirties, it feels like you could live forever.  In this time period, you feel like you are in the prime of your life, looking the best, and feeling your best.

In society and media we talk about taking life for granted, but what does that really mean?  Is it taking too many risks?  Is it wasting or not making the best use of your time?  Or is it like I said before, just feeling like you will life forever or be "forever young"?

Now, I would like to say that it was because I am such a wise and thoughtful personal development writer that I came up with this realization that I need to come to grips with this "universal destination", but that is not the case.

It wasn't until last year that I had some health challenges that I started to really think about what happens if I die.

I don't know about you, but I have a list of things that I haven't done yet that I wouldn't want to be "caught dead" without accomplishing.

I wouldn't want to be caught dead without leaving a legacy for my children.  I wouldn't want to be caught dead without finishing the books that I believe will help millions of people.  To leave this Earth and feel like I didn't fulfill my purpose while I was alive would be the ultimate "Holey Underwear" scenario for me.

Every unaccomplished goal or important thing is like another hole.

So let's play a little game of truth or dare.  The truth is, we all have things that we wouldn't want to be "caught dead" without accomplishing or leaving our loves ones with to handle.

I dare you to start living life being aware that one day you will die and work to have as little "holes in your underwear" as possible.

"I Accept Your Challenge"

There is a saying that says, "everybody likes a challenge".  A challenge can be in anything from a sports competition to chasing the girl or guy of your dreams.  It makes things more interesting and the victory even sweeter.  To know that you accomplished something in spite of competition and adversity is one of the greatest feelings.

One of my favorite challenges is in the movie, The Black Panther.  It's the scene where the current King and Black Panther, T'Challa defends his throne and position in the country.  The leaders of all the tribes have the opportunity to challenge him in a duel with the reward of the throne.

All the tribes sound off declaring, "we will not challenge today".  Things seem to be going well and running smoothly.  The King's sister even throws in a little humor suggesting that they move the process along because nobody is challenging today.

But just when it seems like the coast is clear and everything is done,  M'Baku the leader of the Jabari tribe comes out of nowhere to challenge.  Nobody expected him to even show up let alone, challenge!  He declares the popular line, "it's Challenge Day".  He points out King T'Challa's flaws, mistakes he has made, and questions his ability to be King.

Despite the timing and the source of this unexpected challenge, King T'Challa declares, "I Accept Your Challenge".  He goes on to defeat M'Baku in the duel and retains the throne.

"I accept your challenge".  Those words stuck with me and I was reminded of this scene as I am facing my own "challenge day" period in my life.  Just as The Black Panther accepted the challenge despite the timing and what or who the challenge was coming from, we too have to accept the "Challenge Days" in our lives.

So for me, "it's challenge day".  I accept the challenge of facing my fears,  I accept the challenge of fulfilling my calling and purpose for my life.

I encourage you to declare to your fears and fulfilling your purpose, "I accept your challenge".  It's challenge day!

What You R.E.A.L.L.Y. Want

Are you doing what you REALLY want to do?

It's a simple question, but the answer doesn't always come right out.  Whether it be a job, business, or career, many of us aren't doing what we would ideally love to do on a daily basis.

So many things outside of ourselves determine what we spend most of our time on.  From financial obligations and responsibilities to fears and doubts about our ability to do "more".

 In my personal development course, Mind Rehab,  I developed an assessment that includes an acronym for helping determine if you are doing what you really want to do, and how to identify what "it" is.

Are you doing what you R.E.A.L.L.Y. want?

Right- Is your goal, career, or business right for you?  Do you have the gifts, talents, and abilities to do "it" well?
 

Enjoy- Do you enjoy what you are doing?  Are you constantly watching the clock waiting for the day to be over, or do you wake up in the morning in eager expectation of the day ahead?

Always-  We are what we think about all day long.  A good indicator of what you really want is what you always are thinking about or think about the most.

Love- It's hard to do something day in and day out well and with excellence without love.  You have to have a passion and a drive to endure the pain, sacrifice, and perseverance that comes along with what you really want.

Leave- This is simply asking yourself, is it worth it?  Is it worth the sacrifices you have made and the things you may have to leave behind or stop doing?

You- What's the motivation for what you are doing?  Is it the "responsible" thing to do or what the opinions of others have persuaded you to do?  What you R.E.A.L.L.Y. want to do should come from YOU.  

Here's a Mind Rehab tip:  You can't do what you REALLY want to do without first being who you REALLY are!

Dreamgirl

"When I first saw you, I said oh my, that's a dream, that's my dream.  I needed a dream, when it all seemed to go bad. Then I found you. And I have had the most beautiful dreams, any man's ever had".

"When I first saw you.  I said oh my, oh my. That's my dream. That's my dream.  I needed a dream, to make me strong.  You were the only reason I had to go on. "

These are the lyrics from the song, "When I First Saw You", from the Dreamgirls movie soundtrack.  These words captured exactly how I felt when I first saw and met my wife.   I couldn't have asked for a better wife than her.  She is truly the woman of my dreams.

Today, millions of people celebrate valentine's day.  Also, about the same amount of people wish they had a "dream person" to spend today with.  Relationships can be tough sometimes.  So can being single.  It is my suggestion that we should enjoy every season of life that we are currently in.

So this Valentine's day,  I will enjoy my life and marriage with my wife, Nicci Willis.  She is living proof that dreams do come true!

If you are married or in a relationship, be inspired to take some time and tell that special person how you care about them.  And if you are single and desiring the person of your dreams, be encouraged that although no one is perfect, but "dreams" still do come true.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Calculated Risk Formula

What was the biggest risk you have ever taken?  Was it something thrilling and exciting like skydiving or mountain climbing?  Or was it taking a chance on a relationship or business without prior knowledge?

A risk is the possibility of losing something of value.  It is to take a chance without being in full control of the outcome.  Generally, we make decisions by determining how likely something is to happen, and judge the value that the outcome has for us.

Sometimes we can focus too much in the pleasure of the reward of taking the risk.  And at other times, we can fear the possible pain or loss and not take a risk.  Emotions can either help or hurt making a decision based on the source of the emotion.

One of the first big risks I took was when I bought my first property at 22.   I bought a two family building with a condemned bar attached.  As soon as I closed on the property I became a home owner, landlord, and rehabber all at the same time.

My plan was to rent out the two units and rehab the bar into another one bedroom apartment, for me to live in.  The project was projected to take four months to complete.  I had my plans drawn up, budget in place, and my contractor lined up.  As the project got going, I started running into additional things that needed to be done, that costed more money and took additional time to get done.  From underground pipes that needed to be replaced, to waiting for building permits and special orders to come in.

Long story short, my project that was supposed to take four months to get done, ended up taking ten months to get done!  I had miss calculated the knowledge, time, and money it would take to successfully get this project completed.  But was the risk worth it? Absolutely!  I learned the renovation process, how to be a landlord, and was able to sell this property for a profit and buy another one.

Is their a "sweet spot" in taking risks and making decisions? What's the formula to making a "calculated risk"?

Here are three things that I learned from my experience in taking this risk:

1. Having the proper knowledge is key.  Before you make a move, whether it be starting a business, new career, or relationship, make sure that you have enough information and experience to successfully meet the goal.  I think that the famous investor Warren Buffett said it best, "Never invest in a business you don't understand".

2. Be realistic about the time it will take to see results.  This is by far, the biggest thing to consider.  You can learn and gain experience as you go, but time is a limited commodity that you can never get back.

3.  Determine the financial sacrifices that may have to be made and how long you can go before you see financial gains or improvements.

It is my suggestion that the riskiest thing you can do is to take no risks.  But we must take calculated risks that include much research and preparation.

Be inspired by the reward of making a dream a reality by taking calculated risks!

My Beautiful OG

An OG is a term that is defined as a person that has been in "the game" for long time and has earned respect within an organization or group of peers.  It's a mentor figure that has stood the test of time.

A Matriarch is a woman who is powerful within a family or organization.  Her power usually comes from her age, wisdom, and dependability.

Recently, I was at a dinner to celebrate the birthday of my Aunt Charlette, who is the reigning queen matriarch of my family.  She is one of the most reliable and dependable women I know.

She was, along with my Uncle, my inspiration for getting into the real estate business and being an entrepreneur.  She provided me an opportunity when I was just a 19 year old kid, fresh out of real estate school.

When I was 25, my mother passed away and she stepped up and filled the role as a surrogate for my sister and me.

It was also through her faith in the Lord and her being a "light" in the world, that helped me make a decision to get serious about my relationship with Christ.

I thank her for the many nights I slept on her couch, in the basement, and made palettes on the floor.  The "commission advances" in between closings.  All the trips to McDonald's, LaRosa's, and KFC.

She's been the rock in my family, since we have lost my grandmother, my mother, and my aunt.  My matriarch is the definition of perseverance and never giving up. She's my mentor by example and
 my "Beautiful OG".

So many times we don't give our roses to the people that deserve them while they are still alive.
(I actually got that from my aunt too). The strong women in our families need to be adored and celebrated for the many roles, sacrifices, and work they put in.

Who are the matriarch's in your families?  I encourage you to recognize their significance in your life.  Send a card.   Make the calls.  Plan the dinners.  RESPECT your "Beautiful OG".  

"Angry Black Man"

Anger.  It's a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility towards a person or thing.  Anger is an emotion that could be tagged as universal, because it's felt and understood from every human being and even animals.

I was reading an article about the term of former president Barak Obama.  It talked about how many felt that his effectiveness was limited because he had to be perceived as perfect and couldn't show too much emotion, in fear of being deemed "the angry black man".

This stereotype is one of the many painful realities of living as a black man in America.  An emotion that is universally understood and what's a normal part of human behavior for others, somehow gets turned into a sign of aggression and sparks fear when a black man shows this emotion.

As black men, we are dealing with the pressures of being providers and protectors of our homes.  Many are fathers of children of blended families. We face discrimination, limited opportunities, and often are building our legacies from "scratch".  I think that one of the most challenging things that black men face is not having enough mentors or examples to follow.  Need an example?  Think about Barak Obama being the President of the United States and not having another black man that had done that before or served in that office.

It's almost like having to socially walk on egg shells.  Because the unfortunate reality is, too many times than not, when a black man gets too angry, he gets arrested, shot, or even killed.  When a black man shows too much emotion he is discriminated against, or deemed as a threat or a source of fear.

Nobody wants the burden of proving a stereotype wrong.  Black men want to be viewed and evaluated for the individuals they are, not the generalizations of society and what's seemed to become social norms.

As black men, we want to have the ability to express our emotions, whether it be joy, pain, or anger without the thought in the back of our heads that their will be a negative consequence.  Is it too much to ask for to publicly show a natural human emotion without being cast into a stereotype?

It is my desire that in our culture a black man can be, an angry black man but not "the angry black man".