"I Want A Rematch"

It was the fall of 2009.  I was just coming to grips with the fact that my career as a Realtor was coming to an end.  I had decided that I was going to pursue what I felt was my true calling and God's purpose for my life.  I started writing and preparing to speak anywhere that someone would allow me to speak.

I had a vision of what I wanted to happen, and I went for it with everything that I had.  Doing something new, after years of doing something so long that it seemed like second nature, was a struggle for me.  I knew that I couldn't go back to the good old days as a successful Realtor, and I wasn't used to my new career in the speaking and writing business.  But I kept moving forward.  I got my business registered, built my website, and joined organizations in my field.

I began calling people and looking for opportunities to speak and write.  Some people seem interested, and told me they would keep me in mind.  Then I got my first paid speaking engagement, and that was a very good feeling.  I'm thinking, "wow, this is really happening".  I was going to schools, youth groups, and having a weekly bible study at my house.

But the money wasn't coming in like I needed it to.  Bills were getting overdue.  Tensions were flaring with me and my wife, and all of a sudden, my new business didn't seem like such a good idea.  I felt defeated and if I had been let down by God.  So I began to slow down.  I stopped having the bible study at my house.  I called a few places here and there, but for the most part I stopped prospecting for speaking engagements.  I would still write, but not with the same enthusiasm that I had before.

It felt like I had gotten into a fight with life and lost.  I started to do other things.  A job here, a job there.  And the next thing I know, a couple years had gone by.  My passion hadn't gone away, it was just buried in fear, disappointment, and lack of confidence.

So I decided to give it another try.  A couple of years had past.  I learned some valuable life lessons, and had developed more wisdom and insight on how to do things.

I declared to life, "I want a rematch"!  Sometimes, you have to declare to life that you want a rematch.  During the time period that you felt you had lost and now, you will have grown, become stronger, and learned things that are going to help you in your "rematch".  And the fact that you have an opportunity for a rematch,  means that God wants you to win.

So review the, "tape" of life.  Look at the mistakes you made before and learn from them.  Use the training, teaching, and development that life has given you, and declare "I want a rematch"!

"A Second Opinion"

Every day someone is diagnosed with an incurable disease, terminal illness, or something that requires a major operation or surgery.  The shock of this news can be a life changing experience.

When people receive this news and unfavorable reports, many like to get a second opinion on the situation.  Some people have lost confidence in doctors with all the recent mistakes and malpractice suits that have been going on.  But some people just don't agree with the doctors, and search for a doctor who agrees with their point of view on the situation.  It's like this: one doctor says you need to have surgery, and you don't want to have surgery.  So you search for the "second opinion" of a doctor that agrees with you.

This made me think of how God searches for a "second opinion" that agrees with Him.  So many of us are living by sight instead of by faith.  Many of our thoughts, actions, and emotions are being ruled by the 5 senses.  But God is looking for us to be in agreement with him so that His culture, nature , and way of doing things can forcefully advance in the earth.  

When our thoughts, decisions, and emotions are in line with His, that is when we will see the power of God and results in our lives.

"Real Life Avengers"

The Avengers is a team of superheroes created by famous comic book writer Stan Lee in 1963.  They have been called "Earth's Mightiest Heroes", and has included some of the most popular Marvel Comics characters: Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America, and Thor.

A rotating roster has become a staple of the team, although one theme remains the same: the Avengers fight "the foes no single superhero can withstand".  Some of these "foes" have been humans, robots, gods,  and other supernatural beings.

Being the huge Marvel Comics fan that I am, I was exited when I heard that this comic was going to be turned into a movie.

Sometimes you can find inspiration in the most unusual places. I was thinking about this upcoming movie, and the concept of "Avengers".   I was thinking, "that's what we need, Real Life Avengers"!

You see comics are a lot like real life.  I believe that the reason that we have so many problems in the world today, is because we don't have enough unity.  There is too much "every man for himself".  Or "every family for themselves".

To overcome "real life foes" like crime, poverty, and racism we need more "real life avengers".  People who are willing to come together to accomplish what "no single superhero can do by himself".

And the responsibility shouldn't be only just a select few. Just like the Avengers, there should be a rotating roster of people willing, ready, and able to make a difference.

We may not all be "Iron Man", but let us all play our part in being "Real Life Avengers".

"I Faked My Own Death"

I was inspired to write this blog by a TV show that I saw on The Discovery Channel;  It had stories of people who had staged their own deaths, but were caught months, years, and even decades after disappearing and starting new lives.

Some of them did it for money and possessions.  Others did it to escape jail time, fines, or punishment.  And some even faked their deaths to escape bad reputations and perceptions of how others viewed them.

Some of the people had elaborate schemes and well thought out plans that looked like it took a long time the come up with.  A few of them were so clever, I was thinking, "if you are that smart than you could use all that time, money, and effort and fix the situation without faking your death".

Then you had the "not so bright one's".  A couple of these stories could have also been on another TV show called, "America's Dumbest Criminals"!  These foolish attempts, ended up in the people getting caught in just a short amount of time. 

In the bible, there's a concept called "dying to the flesh" or "crucifying the flesh".  Basically it means to stop or to deny your thoughts, actions, and emotions from being ruled by the "flesh" or your 5 senses, and to be led by Spirit or the "inner man".

Most people who call themselves Christians, believers, or followers of Jesus Christ have committed to this concept of "dying to the flesh" by being saved or born-again.

But sadly, just like the TV show where people fake their physical death and eventually get caught; many people "fake their own death" in a spiritual sense, and get caught by the tests, trials, and circumstances of life. 

The reality is that to get saved, baptized, or born-again is just a commitment to as the bible says, "dying daily" to being ruled by the 5 senses.

 Let us not "fake our own deaths" by having "one-time events" or (fake deaths) and not committing to the daily process of changing our thoughts, choices, and emotions.

"King On Paper"

Declarations.  It's something that we all have.  Short sayings that we say in our heads or out loud, that give us the motivation that we need for the particular moment or situation we are in.

We say things like, "I'm a king", "I'm a champion", or "I'm an over-comer".  Many of our declarations are reminders of who we feel we are on the inside.  Most people feel that they are good people, with good intentions for themselves and others.  But in addition to that, about the same number of people feel that they are misunderstood and wish that people could understand who they "really are".

What makes one be misunderstood?  Is it a certain vibe given off when meeting people or in conversation? Is it not displaying a positive attitude toward situations? Or is it more a matter of actual facts and data that are clear, concise, and in black and white.

I was speaking to a friend about why bad things happen to "good" people.  We talked about how it seems like it takes money to make money, how nice people get taken advantage of, and how God's children should be "on top".

In a spiritual sense, we are all God's children.  And God is a king.  So if we are the offspring of God, then that means that we are kings too.  Many people know this and feel this way, but have trouble displaying their "kingship".

We are kings in our heads, but how many of us are Kings On Paper?  We declare that we are kings with our mouths but show something else with our decisions.

Ask yourself these questions:  Can someone tell that I am a child of God by looking at my credit report?  Will my criminal background check reflect my kingship?  Does my Facebook page show my royalty?

We are kings in our heads and hearts.  We are kings in our declarations and confessions.  Let us also be kings on paper.  

Needs, Haves, And Wants

What is the driving force that makes people do things in life?  In every area of our lives we have different things that motivate and inspire us to make the decisions that we make.

I was sitting down thinking about all the things I do on a daily basis.  I came to the conclusion that there are 3 basic reasons that motivate us to do what we do.

1. Have to's-  A majority of our daily tasks consist of things that we feel that we "have to" do.  We have to go to work, have to take care of our kids, and so on and so on....
2.  Need to's- This is where is starts to get more oppressive.  Things we simply do out of need, but we don't necessarily want to.  "Need to" pay a bill, "need to" make ends meet, "need to" buy some time, etc....
3. Want to's- This I mean in the most positive light.  These are things that we have a strong desire to do that comes from within, without the influence or pressure from things outside yourself.

It is my opinion that we need to strive to do more things because we want to.  So many of our choices are made due to oppressive needs and things that we feel we have to do.  Most of these decisions are made out of fear.

When I thought about these main driving forces, I was thinking about my relationship with my wife.  I don't need my wife, I want my wife.  I am not still married because a piece of paper says I "have to".   After 4 years of ups and downs, successes and failures, I am still married today because I "want to".

But how many of us are in relationships because we feel that we "need" a man or a woman?  How many women tough it out because they feel they "have to" for the kids?

How many of us wake up in the morning and go to a job because we "need" to make a certain amount of money?

Can you count the hours out of the day that you don't do things because you "have to"?

By no means am I saying to neglect our responsibilities in life.  But there has to be a time where we step back and look at the quality of our every day lives and strive for improvement.

Let us take steps to do things that we really, really, really, want to do.  From relationships, to careers, down to just how the hours of your day is spent;  It feels good when the driving force behind it is because you really want to!

"Simply Put"

My Wife, Nicole "Cakes" Willis

My heart.  That is what you are.  How can you love someone so much that it gives them the power to make you the happiest and to hurt you the most?  I trust you with my heart and the power of it's vulnerability in your hands.

My mind. That is what you have.  I often have said that you have to love someone, and they have to be what you want in order for "it" to work.  I made up my mind a long time ago that you are what I want.

My Life.  That is what I give to you.  You are my lover, my partner, and my friend.  I look forward to our future together.

What means more than flowers, cards, and candy?  What can top dinner reservations for two? With all that I am, all that I have, I tell the world, simply put, I Love You!

"the Gap Generation"

It's the largest population of people in the United States.  An age group that's the bread and butter of most pillars of society.  Most athletes, singers, and artists are in "the Gap".

"the Gap" is a generation that doesn't know how it "used to be",  doesn't like how "it is", but knows how it "should be".

We are starting families, starting businesses, and shaping culture on a daily basis.  Also, we are a group of people who have moved from one phase of life but are not necessarily used to this current phase of life.

"The Gap" generation is the most unreached age group by most churches, religions, and faith based groups, but in my opinion, the one's who need the most spiritual guidance.  But why is this?  How is it that the largest population of people, who are some of the most innovative, creative, and influential people in the world, be the most overlooked by spiritual guidance?

I think that as a whole, we have been turned off by religion and have seen the many inconsistencies of church as we know it.  Also, when we became adults, moved out of our parents houses, and started making decisions for ourselves, we were so tired of all the rules and regulations, seemingly attempted mind control, and simply things that didn't make any sense, that we never returned to the religions that we left.

Another thing is, most churches and religious organizations have a youth ministry or teen group, but when teens turn 18, they often go into adulthood with no spiritual direction from the church.  So you go from a teen group, then are faced with the "adult world" with little "adult spiritual direction".

This is why I call it "the Gap".  If you walk in most churches and religious organizations, you will see youth, who are mostly forced to come by their parents, and people who are usually 35 and older; who have made their mistakes in life, and decided that they can't make it on their own.  Then you have this huge gap in age. Sure you have some young adults in the "house", but many times they feel like outcasts and long for things that are relevant to their everyday lives.

I see some really awesome young adult groups here and there, and wish there were more outlets for this age group.

I am passionate about reaching the 18-35 age group, and providing spiritual guidance and knowledge of The Kingdom of God.  Like the bible says, "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few".  If we are going to reach "us", then it's going to be up to us.  Let's use this desire and passion we have to plant groups to reach this generation around the world.

"Stop Bradying"

Nobody likes to lose.  The agony of defeat is not a good feeling.  A tough loss, whether it is a game or life can make you want to go crawl under a rock.

The sting of a loss can make the toughest and bravest have "temporary insanity" of low self esteem and depression.

We all can succumb to "Bradying" or pouting when things don't go right or go south.

But just like Tom Brady, we have to remind ourselves that we have been "here" before, and we have a lot to look forward to in the future, and in the other areas of our lives.

The situation may have been a big battle, but it was not the war.  Let the successes of yesterday and the potential of tomorrow pull us back up and cause us to stop pouting.

"Word Power"

In the bible, there is a scripture that says that death and life are in the power of the tongue.  It is my observation that this notion holds to be very true. 

You see, words and thoughts have power.  Power to make us form decisions, make choices, and take actions that will have a lasting effect on the rest of our lives.  It's called the power of intention.  Many of us "intend" things into our lives unknowingly by the words we say.  What we think and say expands, and shows up in our lives as we repeat this process with more frequency and intensity.

Sadly, I was recently reminded of this principle with the recent death of football legend, Joe Paterno.  As one of the greatest coaches of all time, Joe Paterno was known as a man of character, and his words have been quoted many times over the years.

But Joe Paterno once said he’d die without football in his life. Now, only 74 days after he was fired as head football coach at Penn State University, where the beloved coach stood on the field for 62 seasons, Paterno has died of complications from lung cancer.

Words have power.  They set the atmosphere for the "perfect storm" to happen and bring what we have intended to pass.  Let us me be mindful to watch what we think and say.

"Base Hits"

Goals.  Everybody has them, or if they don't, they need to!  But how many of us are actually achieving our goals?  As we embark on a new year in 2012, many of us scribble down goals, new year resolutions, and things we want to have or do "this" year.

Year after year plans are made.  We start off the year good, but by the 3rd week of January, most of our steam is lost, and many of us revert back to our "everyday habits".

Maybe we should be making new year strategies instead of new year resolutions.  So this year, I decided to do something different.  When the ball dropped, I made no resolutions and wrote down no new plans.  But rather, I decided to look at the goals I had set in the past, but didn't achieve, and looked for where I may have went "wrong".

I discovered that the reason I didn't reach some of my goals, or even get any closer to having some of the things that I want, is because I was waiting for the "home run".  You know,--- "the home run".  "If I hit the lotto, I will---",  "After I get this big client, I will---",  "When I get out of debt, I will---".  Etc, ect, ect......  Many of us are waiting for the home runs in our lives,  while overlooking the "base hits".

The "base hits" are the small steps, daily victories, and simple things we can do to reach our goals.  Theodore Roosevelt's quote, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are", is so true.

If you tend to be a left side of the brain person, as I am, base hits can often be a challenge.   Most logical thinkers like to have all their ducks in a row, dots connected, and things done "right", before we do things.  The problem is, we end up not getting things done at all, while waiting for the right time, right situation, and so on and so on.

What we have to realize is that base hits win games too!  Sometimes all you need is a base hit to win games.  Home runs are great, but never underestimate the simple things we are able to do.  Saving 50 dollars a month, will still add up to the money you need to make that purchase.  Taking one  class at a time will still get you that degree.   Writing one chapter a week will still get that book done.

And guess what, base hits set you up for the home runs!

"The Quiescent Period"

Earlier this week, I was reading about the germination process.  In my readings, I found out that there are many external conditions that play a major role in a seed growing into a plant, fruit, or whatever it is to be.  Some of the conditions are the right temperature, amount of oxygen and water,  and the right amount of darkness or light in order for the germination process to begin.

I found out that most seeds go through a period where there is no active growth called the quiescent period.   It is during this time,  that the seed can be safely moved to a new location, and can safely survive adverse climate conditions, until circumstances are more favorable for growth.

Quiescent seeds are ripe seeds that don't germinate because they are subject to external conditions that prevent the cell growth.  Under favorable conditions, the seed begins to germinate and resume growth.

Our dreams are like seeds planted in the soil of our minds.  We have planted those seeds and have waited and waited, and it seems like it's taking forever for those dreams to become a reality. 

It's an age old saying, but it's true that "a watched pot never boils".  We can't be "seed watchers", waiting for our dreams to come true.

Just like a seed goes through a quiescence period where it seems like nothing is happening, our dreams also go through a period where it seems like nothing is happening.

Me must prepare the soil, our minds, in order to create favorable conditions, to see our dreams become a reality.  You have to cultivate and nurture your dream; invest time, money and effort on your dream.  Give your seed time to grow.  Let it stay in the dirt/darkness until the proper time. But don't have your dream too far down in the soil; in the back of your mind. 

 Don't be a seed watcher, water the seed!

It's important for us to not mistake this period of waiting until the necessary conditions are met, for failure.  Let us be aware of the necessary conditions for growth, so that we don't "watch the pot" and become "seed watchers".

"In The Name Of Jesus"

What does it mean when we say "in the name of Jesus"?

When we were children, or in some of our earlier experiences with church, we were told to pray in the name of Jesus and God would answer.  We got older and more in tune to the relevancy of our spiritual lives and found out, that this is not always the case.  Many prayers have gone unanswered, with people looking for results because they said the "right words".

In biblical days, a name of someone was what a person stood for; was the substance of their character or their authority.  In general, a name is a word or words used that describes and also distinguishes one entity from another.

Many Christians and followers of Christ think that they are doing something spiritual, but end up doing something religious and superstitious in saying "in the name of Jesus" in prayer.  There is a big difference in just saying "in the name of Jesus", and praying in the name of Jesus.

To pray in the name of Jesus, what we are doing is acting in His authority, in His stead, and according to His command.  When we do anything that is consistent with His desires, we are testifying to the name, nature, power, and substance of God. 

When we say, "in the name of Jesus in prayer", we generally don't mean, "I am praying in the authority and mind of Jesus Christ".  We are primarily just saying, "i'm done", or amen.  It has become the "Christian" exit to prayer.

There is power in praying in the authority of Jesus Christ, by the authority He has given us; that's consistent with His character, desire, and will.

It's like a police officer saying, "stop in the name of the law".  He has that authority given to him.  But take away that authority or when the police officer is off duty, the same saying does not have the same meaning.  Without the mind, power, and authority of Christ, the saying doesn't have the same meaning.

If you are thinking with the mind of Christ, and that is your attitude, it doesn't matter what you say at the end of your prayer, God hears you because of His principles and intent for our lives.

There is a big difference between saying in the name of Jesus, and praying in the name of Jesus.  Let us be mindful to do all things with not only in words, but with the Mind of Jesus Christ.

"Old Man On A Bike"

I know you've seen him.  He's in every city and in every neighborhood.  It's an old man on a bike.

You can tell that he is not trying to save gas, preserve the environment, or get exercise.  It's his main source of transportation.  Sweat in the summer,  wind in the winter, but he's still on that bike.

I have observed this old man on a bike.  He looks tired and unmotivated.  But he is focused on getting wherever he needs to go on that bike.

Sometimes I wonder what he did in his younger years.  Did he have a career, a family, shoot, a car?  I never seen him stop and talk to anybody, but I'm sure he has a story to tell.

One day I'm going to stop him and see if he is willing to talk.  I mean, after all,  how busy could he be?  He's just an old man on a bike.  Your neighborhood has yours and my neighborhood has mine.

They probably had hopes and dreams.  Things they wanted to do or used to do in life.  I wonder if he has kids, or maybe even a wife.

I know there's a lot worse that one could be doing in life.  But when it's all said and done, don't let me be that "old man on a bike".

"My MILF"

Motivation- The driving force that keeps you going.  It can be a quote, thought, or picture.  Find something or someone that reminds you from time to time your purpose and goals you have set to achieve.

Inspiration- That spark of energy, creativity, and passion for something or someone.  It's the feeling of making contact with something that you feel was lost or forgotten, but now found.  Inspiration is purpose, passion, and the thing that brings meaning to it all.  Think about what influences you most and what you love.

Leadership-  The ultimate state of being an individual. Every leader must first be an individual and be willing to stand alone and be first.  Some of the major qualities of leadership are being a visionary,  a person that sees ahead and plans accordingly, and a problem solver.  Look for ways to serve and be a problem solver.

Focus-  Having the discipline to stay on a chosen path.  Focus is single-minded, tunnel vision to keep moving forward despite potential distractions.  Keep your focus simple with a "straight forward" approach.

Got Milf?  Get your mind out of the gutter!

"My Imaginary Friend"

It's been so long, I can't even remember when we first met.  Probably when I was a little kid, or even when I was a baby. 

We have been through everything together, me and my imaginary friend.  From high school, to starting a career, and even when I got married and started having kids.  We still kept tight. 

Sometimes we fall out, but somehow we end up back together.  He has let me down many times, but I have known him longer than I have known any other friend.

My imaginary friend is a trip; always looking and talking about others like they are so different from him.

He takes pride in what he has, and gets down in the dumps when he thinks about the things that he wants, that he doesn't have.

My imaginary friend identifies himself with what he does.  If he is not successful in his career, or not accomplishing his goals, he feels like he is less than a man.  This dude is always talking about what he did in the past, and feeling that he should be able to top that.

I see him try to block it out, but he worries what people think about him.  He tries to be humble, but I see that look of satisfaction on his face when people compliment him and give him praise.  When people aren't feeling him, or don't understand him, he tries to ignore it.  But I know it still gets to him sometimes.

Because we are so close, I can feel the stress, anxiety, and fears that he goes through in different stages of his life.  Sometimes it bothers me, and I wonder why I even hang with this dude.

We are nothing alike, but we go everywhere together, and hang in all the same places.  I've been hanging with my friend named Ego so long, imagined him and created him so long ago, that somehow, somewhere along the path, I got confused and thought that my imaginary friend Ego was Me!

"Barack Obama Doesn't Care About Black People"

Declining approval ratings, unseen results,  and continued unemployment.  America is unhappy.  The African American community is growing tired of waiting for "change".

Some of the well known individuals and Black organizations have been putting a lot of pressure on our president lately.  They are feeling like they are being overlooked, unheard, and starting to feel betrayed even by our first African American President.  Many feel as if the higher unemployment rate in African Americans, and several other issues should be being addressed.  People want answers.  People want results.  People are looking for exactly what Barack Obama promised the American people, Change.

So many were happy to see him get into office.  They were encouraged. They were inspired.  To witness history in making has an effect on you no matter who's "side" you were on. 

Black people felt as if they had a leader that represented them.  Someone that understood their struggles.  And as a result, people felt like they had a Black leader that was finally going to do something about it.

What ever happened to all of our Black leaders anyway? After the deaths of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and many others who fought for justice and equality, their seems to be a huge void in leadership in African American community.

"We finally get someone in office and he is letting us down", is how many are feeling in this tough economy that we are in. To sum it up and make it plain, many are starting to feel like "Barack Obama Doesn't Care About Black People"!  He is just out for himself, and he has forgotten where he came from.

It is my suggestion that Barack Obama Doesn't Care About Black People, He Cares About ALL People!  You see it's called being President of The United States, not President of The Black Race.  The president has to make and oversee policies, procedures, and laws that are in the best interests of All the citizens of American, not just one particular race.  To focus more attention on your particular race, being how desperately in need of help it is, is the very definition of racism.

I think that in the midst of all the pain, suffering, and stress that we are going through, people forget that Barack Obama, even though he is the President, is still a paid employee.  You see, even though he may have been the best qualified candidate for the job, the office of President in my observation, serves as a "fall guy" to take the blame for the error of those who really run the country.  The House of Representatives, The Senate, Corporations, and Billionaires are who REALLY run the country.

To answer the question, "what happened to all the Black leaders"?  One has to look at the evolution and progression of time.  The leaders of yesterday fought for the rights that we have today.  It is our job to take advantage of the rights that we have, the progress that was made, and stand on the footsteps of those giants. Today's Black Leaders are those that are taking advantage of the rights they have and doing the things that they love, and are gifted and talented to do.  Today's leaders lead by example.  Barack Obama IS a black leader.  He accomplished a goal he set out to achieve.  He made it to the highest office that this government has to offer.  He is a husband, a father, and most important, he is an individual who did something instead of just complaining.

"Black Men Who Meditate"

 

 Meditation.  It's the mental discipline in which one attempts to get beyond the conditioned, "thinking" mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness.  During the act of meditation, one attempts to empty the mind of thought, or focus on one particular thought.

The practice of meditation has been around for a very long time, and in the past few decades, has become more familiar and popular in the U.S.  But meditation has been slower to catch on, and is less popular in the African American community, possibly due to the belief of meditation being a "religious" or Buddhist "thing".

Although meditation is a part of some religions, meditation is not a religious practice.  It's more of a spiritual practice and a mental discipline.  Just as not everyone who prays is a Christian, everyone that meditates is not a Buddhist or Hindu.

Numerous studies have been conducted on the benefits of meditation.  Some of the benefits include: stress reduction, increased focus, lowered blood pressure, pain relief, increased creativity, and an increased awareness of one's connection to God.

Despite it being less popular and widely unfamiliar territory, there are Black Men Who Meditate.  Some notable black men that meditate include writer, actor, and film Director Bill Duke, Entrepreneur and music mogul Russell Simmons, and the musical legend, Stevie Wonder.

I started meditating a little over a year ago, and it has been one of the most beneficial things I have ever done in my life.  I rarely get sick with a cold or flu, I can think much clearer, and most of all, it has enabled me to become more conscious of my connection to God.  

I believe that meditation would be of great benefit to the African American culture because of it's proven results of stress reduction, health benefits, and the increasing of one's awareness to our connection to God. 

It is my suggestion that if we can cross the divisive lines of religious and cultural differences, we can be a better people, and a better world.

"Why Fathers Leave"

Yesterday, I took my son to the movies on one of our many Father-Son days. My son and I are big fans and followers of Marvel Comics movies.  This time it was Captain America.

On our way home I thought about how much my son valued having these Father-Son days.  I wondered what he would think if I told him that we were not having days like this anymore.  Thinking about how devastated he would be, I thought about how this would affect me also.

Sometimes these outings are a huge sacrifice of time and money, but I understand the value and significance of spending time with my son.

Not too many men talk about it, but it is a big sacrifice and responsibility being a father.  I don't think that  fathers get the credit that they deserve.  Just watch at the end of a big sports event, and you will hear a player shout out, "hi mom"!

This is not a list of excuses for a man to leave his kids, but a few areas where men struggle, that needs to be addressed. A lot of men feel this way, but will never tell you. So I decided to list the top reasons that fathers leave the home:

Money-  One of the most stressful things about being a father, a husband, and head of the household is being a provider.  A lot of men identify who they are with what they do, and if they aren't able to provide, or feel as if they are being shown up by the woman, this is a horrible feeling.  One of the worst things in the world to a man is the feeling of not being able to provide.  The guilt, shame, and embarrassment can drive a man to find a reason why "things aren't working out" and leave.

Respect-  It is my opinion that this is the most misunderstood area of relationships with women.   A man wants to be loved and respected.  Once a man has lost the respect of his partner or children,  his mind has left the household and his body will eventually follow.

Children out of wedlock-  I don't think I can explain this any clearer than this: marriage is a good thing!  For some reason, it is so much harder to stay together when you have a child or children out of wedlock.  I am not sure if it is the pressure of being together because of the children, or the lack of the commitment of marriage that makes things fall apart.

Lack of Father/Mentor-  This is last but certainly not least on the list. It is in my opinion, that this is the biggest factor why men leave the home. They don't have an example, mentor, or someone to come to for advice.  It sounds like the weakest copout, but many young fathers just simply don't know what to do.

This also has an effect on the women in the relationship too. By no means am I saying it's the woman's fault, but a young girl raised in a home without a father often grows up to be a woman not knowing how to treat and support a husband or mate.

No matter if one of these reasons applies or all or these reasons apply, it is always worth it to never leave and not take care of your kids!  No guilt, embarrassment, or difficulties hurt worse than a child growing up without a father.

Hang in there fathers.  Other fathers are going through the same situations, but they are doing just that; going through them.

Never make a permanent decision for a temporary problem. - Miles Monroe 

"Awesome Entrepreneurs"

In the midst of government bailouts, foreclosures, and a so called recession; it takes guts to be self employed or start a business in this economy.  To go against the grain and not play it safe is the essence of entrepreneurship.  When you think about it, pursuing a passion really is going "with the grain".

I am a firm believer in doing what you love and loving what you do.  That dream that won't go away, or that gentle calling that becomes a loud roar when you do something that is not your "calling".  There is something that is so liberating when you work with passion versus work being a "just a means to an end".

Along with the lowering of unemployment, another to answer to the crisis that so many are facing today is to create your own employment.

Today, I salute "Awesome Entrepreneur" Attorney Janaya Trotter, owner and managing partner of Trotter Law, LLC.

  Janaya started her legal career at the City of Cincinnati Prosecutor's office as an Assistant City Prosecutor.  She then accepted a position with Ritter & Randolph as an Associate in the litigation department.  After holding these positions, she realized that her passion for law wasn't being fulfilled and decided to branch out and start her own firm.  Janaya was ready to start practicing law according to her standards and wanted the liberty of taking the type of cases she believed in and not just those that were assigned.  She decided to take charge by working all day and all night for herself instead of maintaining someone else's lifestyle at the expensive of her own happiness. "I wanted to be the master of my future" says Janaya.


She opened Trotter Law, LLC in June of 2011.  Trotter Law's primary focus is on domestic relations, criminal law, and bankruptcy.  Janaya is working very hard to show that there are very good, competent African American attorneys that will work very hard on your behalf.  For more info on Janaya and Trotter Law, call 513-531-515, or send an email to jtrotter@trotter-law.com