"A Chance To Be A Man" Part 2

One of the most not talked about parts of growing up without a father in the home, is the "absent heart" of a father.  What I mean by this is: a father is physically in the home, but his heart and mind are not in the home. 

Most of us have heard stories and points of views of people who grew up not knowing who their fathers were, or how they knew who they were, but they were just not around.

But not so often do we here about the effects of not getting the attention, love, and care that a child so desparately needs growing up, even when the father is in the home.  Often times, this can feel worse than the father not actually being in the home.  It can make a person wonder if there is something wrong with them, or if they have done something wrong to receive this lack of attention.

Something that seems so small to an adult, can mean the world to a young man, and have a huge impact on his "chance to be a man".  It can be going outside to throw the football, a trip to the movies, or just a special time set aside where a son has his father's undivided attention.

This unspoken void has contributed to low self esteem, depression, addictions, and a general feeling of identity crisis in the lives of many young males.  Young boys grow up and turn into young men, often blaming their fathers for the many shortcomings in life.

This process, this cycle, continues to go on, from generation to generation.  Pride, fear, and an overall feeling of vulnerability prevents men from talking about these feelings. 

When a boy grows up lacking the skills, the knowlege, and the example;  it seems like it lessens his chance, "a chance to be a man".

Let us be mindful to break this cycle, and talk about it, to give our sons a "chance"!

"Why Fathers Leave"

Yesterday, I took my son to the movies on one of our many Father-Son days. My son and I are big fans and followers of Marvel Comics movies.  This time it was Captain America.

On our way home I thought about how much my son valued having these Father-Son days.  I wondered what he would think if I told him that we were not having days like this anymore.  Thinking about how devastated he would be, I thought about how this would affect me also.

Sometimes these outings are a huge sacrifice of time and money, but I understand the value and significance of spending time with my son.

Not too many men talk about it, but it is a big sacrifice and responsibility being a father.  I don't think that  fathers get the credit that they deserve.  Just watch at the end of a big sports event, and you will hear a player shout out, "hi mom"!

This is not a list of excuses for a man to leave his kids, but a few areas where men struggle, that needs to be addressed. A lot of men feel this way, but will never tell you. So I decided to list the top reasons that fathers leave the home:

Money-  One of the most stressful things about being a father, a husband, and head of the household is being a provider.  A lot of men identify who they are with what they do, and if they aren't able to provide, or feel as if they are being shown up by the woman, this is a horrible feeling.  One of the worst things in the world to a man is the feeling of not being able to provide.  The guilt, shame, and embarrassment can drive a man to find a reason why "things aren't working out" and leave.

Respect-  It is my opinion that this is the most misunderstood area of relationships with women.   A man wants to be loved and respected.  Once a man has lost the respect of his partner or children,  his mind has left the household and his body will eventually follow.

Children out of wedlock-  I don't think I can explain this any clearer than this: marriage is a good thing!  For some reason, it is so much harder to stay together when you have a child or children out of wedlock.  I am not sure if it is the pressure of being together because of the children, or the lack of the commitment of marriage that makes things fall apart.

Lack of Father/Mentor-  This is last but certainly not least on the list. It is in my opinion, that this is the biggest factor why men leave the home. They don't have an example, mentor, or someone to come to for advice.  It sounds like the weakest copout, but many young fathers just simply don't know what to do.

This also has an effect on the women in the relationship too. By no means am I saying it's the woman's fault, but a young girl raised in a home without a father often grows up to be a woman not knowing how to treat and support a husband or mate.

No matter if one of these reasons applies or all or these reasons apply, it is always worth it to never leave and not take care of your kids!  No guilt, embarrassment, or difficulties hurt worse than a child growing up without a father.

Hang in there fathers.  Other fathers are going through the same situations, but they are doing just that; going through them.

Never make a permanent decision for a temporary problem. - Miles Monroe