What You R.E.A.L.L.Y. Want

Are you doing what you REALLY want to do?

It's a simple question, but the answer doesn't always come right out.  Whether it be a job, business, or career, many of us aren't doing what we would ideally love to do on a daily basis.

So many things outside of ourselves determine what we spend most of our time on.  From financial obligations and responsibilities to fears and doubts about our ability to do "more".

 In my personal development course, Mind Rehab,  I developed an assessment that includes an acronym for helping determine if you are doing what you really want to do, and how to identify what "it" is.

Are you doing what you R.E.A.L.L.Y. want?

Right- Is your goal, career, or business right for you?  Do you have the gifts, talents, and abilities to do "it" well?
 

Enjoy- Do you enjoy what you are doing?  Are you constantly watching the clock waiting for the day to be over, or do you wake up in the morning in eager expectation of the day ahead?

Always-  We are what we think about all day long.  A good indicator of what you really want is what you always are thinking about or think about the most.

Love- It's hard to do something day in and day out well and with excellence without love.  You have to have a passion and a drive to endure the pain, sacrifice, and perseverance that comes along with what you really want.

Leave- This is simply asking yourself, is it worth it?  Is it worth the sacrifices you have made and the things you may have to leave behind or stop doing?

You- What's the motivation for what you are doing?  Is it the "responsible" thing to do or what the opinions of others have persuaded you to do?  What you R.E.A.L.L.Y. want to do should come from YOU.  

Here's a Mind Rehab tip:  You can't do what you REALLY want to do without first being who you REALLY are!

Calculated Risk Formula

What was the biggest risk you have ever taken?  Was it something thrilling and exciting like skydiving or mountain climbing?  Or was it taking a chance on a relationship or business without prior knowledge?

A risk is the possibility of losing something of value.  It is to take a chance without being in full control of the outcome.  Generally, we make decisions by determining how likely something is to happen, and judge the value that the outcome has for us.

Sometimes we can focus too much in the pleasure of the reward of taking the risk.  And at other times, we can fear the possible pain or loss and not take a risk.  Emotions can either help or hurt making a decision based on the source of the emotion.

One of the first big risks I took was when I bought my first property at 22.   I bought a two family building with a condemned bar attached.  As soon as I closed on the property I became a home owner, landlord, and rehabber all at the same time.

My plan was to rent out the two units and rehab the bar into another one bedroom apartment, for me to live in.  The project was projected to take four months to complete.  I had my plans drawn up, budget in place, and my contractor lined up.  As the project got going, I started running into additional things that needed to be done, that costed more money and took additional time to get done.  From underground pipes that needed to be replaced, to waiting for building permits and special orders to come in.

Long story short, my project that was supposed to take four months to get done, ended up taking ten months to get done!  I had miss calculated the knowledge, time, and money it would take to successfully get this project completed.  But was the risk worth it? Absolutely!  I learned the renovation process, how to be a landlord, and was able to sell this property for a profit and buy another one.

Is their a "sweet spot" in taking risks and making decisions? What's the formula to making a "calculated risk"?

Here are three things that I learned from my experience in taking this risk:

1. Having the proper knowledge is key.  Before you make a move, whether it be starting a business, new career, or relationship, make sure that you have enough information and experience to successfully meet the goal.  I think that the famous investor Warren Buffett said it best, "Never invest in a business you don't understand".

2. Be realistic about the time it will take to see results.  This is by far, the biggest thing to consider.  You can learn and gain experience as you go, but time is a limited commodity that you can never get back.

3.  Determine the financial sacrifices that may have to be made and how long you can go before you see financial gains or improvements.

It is my suggestion that the riskiest thing you can do is to take no risks.  But we must take calculated risks that include much research and preparation.

Be inspired by the reward of making a dream a reality by taking calculated risks!

"Sub-Zero Fear"

Fear.  It can be a paralyzing force strong enough to freeze you in your tracks.  Some have given it the acronyms "false evidence appearing real" or "forget everything and run".  It feels like being frozen by Sub Zero in a Mortal Kombat video game.

You want to move. You want to win.  But this fear has you stuck in a place of stress, doubt, and uncertainty.  What you fear may have come from the memory of what you have gone through in the past, the anxiety of what you have never done, but seldom is it the present.  It's actually hard to fear what's real, because what is real is an experience of the now, not an anticipation of the future or reflection of the past.

What is fear stopping you from doing?  Having a meaningful relationship with a loved one?  Pursuing your dreams and passions?  Or maybe it's healing from a past hurt or painful situation.  Sometimes our fears are simply preventing us from being happy and having daily peace.

I have had my fair share of dealing with having "sub-zero" fear in my personal relationships and in fulfilling my purpose.  The effects of this type of fear are exhausting.  I'm tired of the unnecessary and additional stress in my life.

I sought out how to get unstuck from being frozen by fear in my life.  I researched physical paralysis and how it's treated and managed.  They use heat, massage, and exercise as physical therapy.

What if we used the same therapy for mental paralysis?  Instead of physical therapy, we need mental therapy to overcome our fears.

The first thing in "un-thawing" from being frozen by fear is to expose it.  Think about when you take a piece of meat out of the freezer.  You expose it to a warmer and a different place.  Nothing feels colder than the isolation fear causes.  Admit that you are afraid and what you are afraid of.  This can be done by admitting this to yourself and telling someone else, as an accountability partner or trusted friend.

Also, becoming sort of a minimalist helps too.  Dispose of and get rid of situations and things that causes fear and the effects of fear.  This is different than running from fear.  This has to do with determining what's most important, and only thinking and dealing with those things. 

The bible says that perfect love drives out fear.  Are we doing things out of love or fear?  Doing things out of love warms the heart and gets you going in the right direction. Start doing things and making choices motivated by love instead of fear.

If it's big enough to fear, it's big enough to overcome and do!  The world needs the "unfrozen" You.

"Different Toilet, Same Crap"

The Toilet. The Potty. The John. The Oval Office.  We have so many names for this ever so important bathroom fixture.  In fact, there are over 100 nicknames for the toilet.

There are over 1,647 models of toilets with different features, but they all have the same purpose; to get rid of waste.  With so many options, it would be a tough task to pick one, if presented with all the choices at the same time.

I was thinking about the famous definition of insanity from Albert Einstein, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".  Many times, in our lives we do this very thing.  The thing that we don't realize is that we mask this by changing everything but "us".

We get fed up with bosses and companies. Have you ever said or heard this before, "I'm tired of their crap"!  You quit the job or find a new company to work for, but go with the same "you".  Many employees leave one job for another and take the same marginal work ethic, the same skill set, and the same "workplace mentality".  But as time progresses, the same "crap" comes up again.

The same thing applies to relationships.  The honeymoon phase of any relationship eventually goes away.  You start to notice their annoying habits and what we deem as character flaws.  When we get fed up in relationships, "crap" often is replaced with a stronger, more suitable synonym!  The "dear john letter" is already sent or today texted, before finding the "crappy" flaws in ourselves.

You can even apply this to churches and places of worship.  The church where "things are happening" seems great when you first join.  The music and worship is good.  The pastor or minister is on point with the messages.  The people are nice and conversations are great at times of fellowship.

But as years past, you notice that you aren't growing, and you are in the same "place" you were when you joined.  You see the religious menality of the people and the church that you joined, and determine that it's time to make a change.  In this situation, the religious mentality in yourself and in every "Christian" organization organization can be missed.

Sometimes, there is no question that we need to make changes in our lives; whether it's a career change, a relationship, or an organization.  It is my suggestion, that when we make a change to anything outside of ourselves, we need to access the changes we may need to make in oursevles.  If we don't, then it's just going to a different toilet with the same crap!

"Refrigerator Called Religion"

When rehabbing a house, there is a specific process that you go by.  In order to install or put in new things, you have to remove the old things that are damaged, broken, or simply just don't work anymore.

Sounds like common sense right?  Imagine having a plan to remodel your kitchen. You have picked out the cabinets you want.  The wall is lined up with paint swatches of colors that you have been trying to decide on since making the decision to redo your kitchen.

You start the work. You tear out the old cabinets and remove the counter tops.  The pictures and wall decorations come down to prepare for painting.  You plan to put down new tile floors, but first you have to bust up the old yellow and tan floors that have been there since you moved in.

Before you remove the floors you have to move out the appliances. The stove is pretty easy to move, especially if you have a dolly.  But then you glance at the refrigerator.  That old greenish-yellow refrigerator!  It's big and bulky and isn't like the new ones that come with wheels for easy moving.

That refrigerator has been there for years. There's no telling what has fallen behind it over the years.  Imagine the dirt and grime that has built up over time.  

This hunk of metal has been decorated over the years with coupons, pictures, report cards, and much more.  But now, it barely keeps food cold.  And once a month, you have to defrost the freezer because it builds a cocoon of frost and ice around whatever is in there.

This refrigerator must go!  It just isn't cutting it anymore.  

There is no way you can put in this new stainless steel refrigerator without first removing this old mess!  It's a no brainer when you think of it in the terms or rehabbing house. Out with the old, in with the new.

But that is exactly what we try to do when it comes to the process of rehabbing our minds.  We discover a new mindset, a new pattern of thinking, we discover the Kingdom of God.  The Kingdom is God's way of thinking and his way of doing things.

Religion is man's thinking, and his way of doing things.  In the scale of things, religion is just not cutting it anymore.  It possibly never cut it, but at a time seemed like the right thing, and was "better than nothing".  A religious mindset is a limited mindset.  It has boundaries and much baggage that is not needed.

A Kingdom mindset is universal and unlimited.  You have so much more with a real relationship with God.  In fact, you have access to everything.

But many of us try to "install" a Kingdom mindset without first getting rid of that old "Refrigerator called Religion".  That way of thinking and acting that simply isn't working anymore.  That box of boundaries that's preventing you from being the real You.

Just as you can't install a new refrigerator without first removing the old one, you can't install a Kingdom mindset without first removing the Religious mindset.

Think about what relationships, careers, and dreams has "fallen" behind this Refrigerator called Religion.  Think about all that you can have and "house" with this new mindset that you couldn't with the old one. 

Mind Rehab is the process of removing negative, self-defeating thought, actions, and emotions, and replacing them with thoughts, actions, and emotions that are positive and true.  It's time to rehab our minds!

"My Imaginary Friend"

It's been so long, I can't even remember when we first met.  Probably when I was a little kid, or even when I was a baby. 

We have been through everything together, me and my imaginary friend.  From high school, to starting a career, and even when I got married and started having kids.  We still kept tight. 

Sometimes we fall out, but somehow we end up back together.  He has let me down many times, but I have known him longer than I have known any other friend.

My imaginary friend is a trip; always looking and talking about others like they are so different from him.

He takes pride in what he has, and gets down in the dumps when he thinks about the things that he wants, that he doesn't have.

My imaginary friend identifies himself with what he does.  If he is not successful in his career, or not accomplishing his goals, he feels like he is less than a man.  This dude is always talking about what he did in the past, and feeling that he should be able to top that.

I see him try to block it out, but he worries what people think about him.  He tries to be humble, but I see that look of satisfaction on his face when people compliment him and give him praise.  When people aren't feeling him, or don't understand him, he tries to ignore it.  But I know it still gets to him sometimes.

Because we are so close, I can feel the stress, anxiety, and fears that he goes through in different stages of his life.  Sometimes it bothers me, and I wonder why I even hang with this dude.

We are nothing alike, but we go everywhere together, and hang in all the same places.  I've been hanging with my friend named Ego so long, imagined him and created him so long ago, that somehow, somewhere along the path, I got confused and thought that my imaginary friend Ego was Me!

Mind Rehab

Mind Rehab, it's the process of removing negative, self defeating thoughts, actions, and emotions, and replacing them with thoughts, actions, and emotions that are positive and "true".

When you think about it, it's not really about the mind at all.  The soul; our thoughts, choices, and feelings is what really control our minds.  And that's what it's really all about; the process of making better thoughts, decisions, and having better emotions.

During my 12 years in the real estate business, I learned the process of rehabbing houses.  What I learned is that when rehabbing a house, you have to first remove the things that are old, out dated, and don't work any more.  That's called the demolition process.  We all have things that we need to get rid of in our lives.  Old thoughts, old habits, and old ways that simply don't work any more.

From there you are down to what is called the foundation and framework of the house.  This is the "real you", not the fake facade that you put up to others. Only when you are down to the bare bones can you start the rebuilding process, or else, you are just building over old junk.

The last phase of the rehab is the exiting part, the new stuff!  The improvements, upgrades, and additions are what maximizes a homes potential.  Similar to houses, with the right thoughts, the right actions, and the right feelings, you can be your best you and maximize your potential!